today

I woke up late. Pretty late for my job today. This is very bad.

But ok, what can I do now, after a couple hours.

I was totally drunk and wasted at the time I was programed to be here. At my company.
That's bad.

I know I was wrong, and I don't have anything to say.
Nothing.
I won't say nothing.
I won't say a thing.
Just listen to the humiliation. And be sad.

I hate to be wrong, to be guilty. But it was all my fault.

Yesterday I got really, and absolutely drunk and wasted. Why I do such thing?

But ok. What can I do now? It's pretty fuckin' over.

Well well, my business partner asked a good question today: "was it good yesterday?" "did it worth at least?"
Oh yeah. It did.

It was awesome.
I didn't expect for that. Absolutely not.

But it was. A very little, tiny, low profile party. But it was awesome for me.

And it was like this just because I met a girl that I already knew.

But I didn't do anything with her. I couldn't.

The girl that made the party, her birthday, is a little bit in love with me. She told me not to bring any girl to the party, and not to be with no girl there. I respected that.

But oh man, today I think about yesterday, me and Ana, and I think it was a waste of time, to not be with her. She's beautiful.
I met her some years ago, in a party. I was with a guy, a friend of mine, and the party was in his house, and I met her. She was with her ex-boyfriend, a musician of a famous band from here, the singer. And she was absolutely beautiful, I couldn't even think when I saw her.

And yesterday she was on me. She danced with me. She held my body, kissed me on my cheek.
That was beautiful. She kissing me on my cheek. Absolutely amazing.
I just remember this. She kissing me on my cheek.
She tried to respect her friend, Paula, that wasn't happy with that at all.

But I'm sorry, I cannot be with her anymore. With Paula. No. I love her, but she's no girl for me. We don't need to be together again. We shouldn't be together again. It's oh so fucking over.
It's over.
I want to be with that girl. Ana.
She's amazing, man.
Pretty fucking amazing.

Now I'm thinking what I will do to be with her. To find her.
I don't know her phone number, her email, nothing...
And I don't even know her last name. Not at all.
And I cannot ask it to Paula. It's unfair.
But I'm really thinking about it. To ask her her contact.

Thanks god my girl wasn't there yesterday. It was good. Even because I am not compromised with her. We are no marriage.

I was alone and single.
And it was amazing.
I think, sometimes, that I need to be single for some months, at least.

Well well.
That's nice. Pretty fucking nice.

What can I do now?
I don't even get her contact.

She was writing in a little notebook, writing a lot.

She wrote lots of things.
She wrote her thoughts.

At some point I thought about writing something in her notebook. But I was fucking drunk to do that. I should do that.
To put my phone number and a message that she needed to call me today. Without my name or nothing.

She needs to find me. I am so easy to find. She needs to find me.
I've tried to found her, but till now I wasn't able.

She's rare.