Today is that kind of sleepwalking day through meetings, business and readings. I need to make decisions, but all I want to do is to spend all day walking in some distant bucolic place, with her company and nothing else. Today is that kind of sunny but melancholic day, with my mind floating through invisible waves, with an infinity spiral thought that goes and comes in the same way all the time, repeating and repeating the same pattern every instant, repeatedly and repeatedly.

I'm that kind of obsessed guy that is repeating the same thinking pattern the whole day, not going anywhere, but flying inside, seated on the same chair all day long, the subjects in front of me always changing, different people, different issues, but the same mind pattern. But unattached to everything that really matters in the real pragmatic working existence, but besides that solving this things normally.


Freaking out again...

oh yeah, it was totally predictable, it was announcing to happen for some months. Everything's so full of emotions this last years that it was too soft to be true. It was willing to start some bizarre freaking out session. Emotions and crazy thoughts and ideas. And the most dangerous part of it is that these crazy ideas are having success with the investors, so some of them are about to happen, and I'm really not sure about it, if I really should do this.
And when it start to happen it will be for a long long time. Something like 10 years or more.
Well, it's my last day of thinking and deciding. Actually I think there's really no time.
I am not sure about the things I'm doing, the way my life's taking. Maybe I should change everything, I'm sensing I'm going in a wrong, maybe pretty wrong way, not sure.
This are so intimacy, so individual things, that maybe there's nothing I can write here to explain. This is a fucking diary, but even I don't write here daily.
33 years old, midlife crises maybe to soon?
I feel as I am an adolescent again, but in the worst way, with the stupid ideas, with the rough feelings, the rough sensations, rough thoughts. Things that should happen another way, maybe more mature, more responsible. I see that I am as pretty fucked up person, but in true I'm not. I'm just suffering a little, or maybe a lot. But nothing more than that.

This crazy days at this bizarre city that I always lived on. Everybody going crazy in this big shit. The protesters, but the worse are the government. The protests are so fucking necessary. But this violence is not.

Every plan, every thought, every future projection, have it's potentiality to happen, to become true. But some ways need to be respected. Maybe it's possible to make it happen in some ways, but the truth is that I don't have any kind of recipe of how's life works, or how to proceed over some circumstances. There are so many broken hearts. So many disillusions and sadness. But still there's discovery, happiness, reaction, progress (or else personal progress).

I'm sick and tired of this so fucking things that I'm vomiting over some white screen.

I need to stop some kind of thoughts that happen automatically inside my mind. It is possible to control such things, just concentrating and going to other ways.

So, go ahead and change your thinking!!!!!