5/20/2013

Trap!

It happened again... I can feel the symptons, strong and destabilizing. Now when I come home I start trembling, palpitating, sweating... my heart starts to beat quicker. Some things have been changing in my life. Well, actually my whole life is being pretty different than it was a couple months ago. My mind is stroked focusing obsessed in one thought, one thing.
Today it's been 1 month and 20 days not drinking a single sip of any kind of alcoholic beverage.
Today I can speak french, after 10 days of intense study I climb my first step of this language. It's not fluent, but it's just a matter of time. I guess in 3 months I'll be fluent.
My mind is locked in one single thought, one obsession. That kind of obsession you don't want to pass away, you want it to stay forever inside you.
Damned platonic feelings.
Lost lost lost...
I feel as I've lost the ground I'm stepping over, just as I am floating, flying over the days and nights, floating away with the direction of the wind, always going to the same place, same direction. Floating.
I feel as I need to externalize inner feelings.
Urging to spill this whole giant desire away.