I miss her, yes, but I don't like to admit it, obviously because now I've been with another person and it isn't a very polite thing to say. But I miss her a lot, not as a girl, a woman or sexually speaking, but as a friend, someone I really like, love as family. It's tough to deal with this situation, I do not talk to her for months and she doesn't opens any conversation or contact, she doesn't send me mails, doesn't call me, write me... nothing. And I'm respecting her not doing this things too, just because she ask me at the beginning and either because I was the one who wanted to broke the relationship, to finish it. I know she loved me a lot, she was yet loving me when we broke up, and I loved her too, but I've had another girl, I couldn't bare that situation and it was the right way to go.
It's hard to separate from people you love, even if you don't love enough to make a decision like going to live in other city, to be with this person for real.
Well, this is the situation, I'm going to her city next friday, I'll spend a couple days there to be with my sister (she also lives there and she's going to face a medical operation), and to be with my family (everybody is going too). And I'm really thinking about going to see her, but it's obviously not right, and I feel that I would want to be with her for other things, but I really don't want to do this to my girlfriend, so I not going to see her. But it's annoying me, I cannot stop thinking about her, and it's bad, too bad.
Actually I am very worried with my little sister, if it wasn't for her I wouldn't go, so I wouldn't suffer with this nostalgic and hard feelings.
Well, changing the subject I'm in a bad hangover right now. Yesterday I was in a very fine party, with lots of friends and alcohol, so I'd got a little wasted and now I'm paying the price of loving beer and wine.
I don't remember everything about yesterday, and it's very frustrating and terrifying. Thanks god nothing bad happened. I wasn't driving, didn't fight or argue with anyone and, till I remember, everything went ok. I hate to have this alcoholic amnesiac, it sucks because you had a great night but now you're incapable remembering nothing. Shit! This moments we want to believe that we are powerful to determine that I will not drink anymore in my whole life. But obviously it's an idiot thinking and I'm always getting drunk and wasted. Always.