And so soon

I've been totally caught by her.
And now it's another girl, and that's very interesting.

Till two weeks ago I was totally suffering because of my ex girl, we've been together for 2 years, and I was crazy about her for 10 years. The first time I've kissed her was in 2001, a couple of months after we met.
At that time I was dating another girl, but that afternoon, after the study (we were studying together in a preparation for the university test) we went on to a bar and started drinking together, I'd laid my hand over her hand and then we kissed. After that I've always thought about her as someone I was really crazy about - but she didn't felt it back.
And she's been dating other guys, and so I did the same, but always insisted in her. Later for 2 years she didn't even let me see her, she was serious relating with other guy and disappeared completely to me. I've suffered a lot, but after a while dated other girls, had my girlfriends and all.

Some years later she let me be with her again, we dated, but never had nothing serious, just because she didn't want nothing serious with me, but I always did.

At some point we started dating more and more, at the beginning one or twice a month, then every week, then every opportunity, but at that time I was engaged with another girl, and so I ended my relationship to be with her. We engaged, lived together for almost a year.

We suffered a lot, like every couple. Sometimes I ask myself why it's always this way? Why we have to suffer always?

We have two beautiful years together, but she never trusted me, she always thought I was cheating her, and she had a point because I'd cheated other 3 girls with her, but I'd never cheated Erica.

She dumped me later, just because she was paranoid, thinking I'd cheated her. We got back again, and then fought some time, get back again, and repeated it two or three times again. Lot of suffering.

I've spent lots of time thinking on her. Such a waste of time. I still feel something very strong for her. I guess I could be together again with her. But now maybe I'll forget her.

Till now I'd never found a girl that produces something important in my mind, or my heart, whatever. Till last weekend, to be more accurate.

And now my head is full of her, this new girl, this girl I've met last saturday - but she isn't new at all, but for same way she is new for me. Actually I knew her for 10 years too, she was at the same course, 10 years ago, when I met Erica, but at that time she was dating a friend of ours, and we are still a group of friends that always hang out together (tomorrow we'll do this). And I took 10 years to give her a kiss, not because I wasn't interested, I've always liked her a lot, but never thought by this perspective, I don't know why. But it happened, and oh it was amazingly fine and almost disturbingly fine.

I've spent the whole week thinking of her. Not a single day, afternoon or hour that she wasn't totally outside my head.

What bothers me is my anxiety. I am fucking anxious about this. I try to imagine what's on her mind. What does she feel. I try to imagine what the future reserves for me.

It's one of that times when you spend just a night with someone and you think you could marry that girl and be with her for your whole life. Although I have no idea what will be tomorrow.

This is totally scary!

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